FOOTBALL FAIL!

I came across this batshittery on Facebook, and being a Saints fan, I felt compelled with every fiber in my being to expose the fucktard responsible. Besides the piss-poor, half-assed graphics job, can you spot what is an epic failure here? Besides the birth of Gaurav Pant (fake profile, btw. I checked)...

(comments have been adjusted by me to conceal the innocent bystanders and remove irrelivent posts for sizing purposes. I will not provide a link to the page because I will not give attention to the undeserving)

My new rules for Halloween!

1. Come to my door 30 minutes or more prior to the start of Trick-or-Treat and you will get a novelty watch - NO CANDY FOR YOU!

2. Couldn't put forth just a little effort to wear a costume - NO CANDY FOR YOU! Cut t...wo eye holes in a sheet and come as a fucking ghost! I'm tired of more kids every year not even bothering with make-up. Either wear SOMETHING or get your candy from Wal Mart!

3. Pass out religious literature to my child and you open yourself to every form of Halloween retribution ever invented, and then I delve into MY twisted imagination to make up some more!

4. Send your child out to preach door-to-door about why he's not Trick-or-Treating because it's "Satan's holiday" and I'll convert the little bastard to Paganism!

5. Come to my door 30 minutes or later than the end of Trick-or-Treat and you'll get the empty wrappers from my kid's eaten candy.

Enough said...

Granny vs. Underwear

At Justice For Girls buying my daughter clothes and 2 grannies shopping for their granddaughter were buying little girl panties, boy short style beneath a sign that read "Boy Shorts." One says to the other, "Oh, she'll like these for Halloween! Do you think they're too short for the weather?" 

MORAL: Never let grandma do the clothes shopping!

FUCKTARDED MORONS: MUSLIM = FAIL!

VAMPIRES SUCK - The Movie!

 VAMPIRES SUCK!

Men + Pole Dancing = JUST NO!!!

Moron #19: Fanatical Christian Controlled National Geographic

FUCK NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC TV!!

Watched a special on Vikings in which they label them as a drugged, woman hating, clinically insane cult created just to destroy Christianity! Host mispronounced Thor (It is Tore .. NOT THore!) and their supposed Norwegian expert claims not to know what a rune symbol is!

According to NatGeo, Vikings purposefully killed babies of England. And let's see, their weapons and armor were shitty, so the only reason they were such a force was because they were on a mushroom-induced high the whole time and didn't feel pain.

Suddenly..., as soon as they "found Christ", they got off the drugs, loved women, and turned to peace!!

Yes, they said the swords were poorly welded, the chainmail was weak..., and the shields could easily be shattered.

All they spoke of is Vikings living to slaughter and torture innocent monks and Christians, women and children. Not one word of the atrocities carried out by the Christians, the barbaric murders "for Christ" by St. Olaf, as St .Patrick.

My 9 year old said, "Why are they lying?" I said, "Because that's what religions do when they want to hurt other cultures...." She replied, "So they're betraying their book." SMART GIRL!

THIS is why religion cannot be allowed in school. Not if education is to include fact!

‎"Secrets of the Viking Warriors" 2004 National Geographic channel, if you can stomach it and don't have issues with blood pressure.

MEN CAN BELLYDANCE! WHO KNEW?

I was skeptical at first, and then again the second time ... a little on the third .. not so much the 4th time but watched again a 5th just to be sure...... just.. you know ... to be sure he knew what he was doing ... yeah ....

 

THE BRILLIANCE OF PINK

ODE TO OUR TROOPS AND THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR!

YOU GUYS ROCK!

ODE TO PAUL LEKAKIS: BOOM BOOM

PAUL LEKAKIS

SyFy Original Disaster #1: Ice Spiders

I HAVE to buy this movie. It was the best laugh I had in a month!

UNIPORN!

A naked, possibly gay man in a unicorn horn, latex hooves, pastel gloves, and assless chaps is surprisingly sexier than one might think. Seriously, I think something is wrong with me but I haven't reached the part of the 12 step program where I give a damn.

Who Is Mocking Global Warming Now??

All through the freezing Winter, global warming nay-sayers mocked and jeered. Now that we are experiencing the hottest June in most states' recent history, some referrred to as "unusual", those same people are humorously silent! 

Global warming is not a b.s. creation of Al Gore. He just made it into a marketting scheme. It is a simple event of the Earth, one we have no control over -- positively or negatively. 

 We are nothing in the broad scheme of things, though there is nothing wrong with respecting life while we are here, is there? It seems the same crown that is anti-abortion is, also, the first to mock the "Go Green" campaign. Maybe they need to re-think just what the hell they are saving babies for if they would rather see the planet turned into a Wall-E reality just to save their lazy asses 2 minutes to wash a can and toss it into a recycling bin.

GUMMI GREATNESS!!

"OMG!!!!! GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE FURNITURE!!!!" is all I can think of at this moment of wonder and awe of gumminess greatness..... At times like this, it sucks to think like a parent. GUMMY GREATNEEEESSS!!!!

WORLD'S LARGEST GUMMI BEAR!

Overview:

The World's Largest Gummy Bear is the lion of the candy world. There is no candy more magnificent or more powerful. This five-pound beast is the equivalent of 1,400 regular sized gummy bears and packs a whopping 12,600 calories.

Its monstrous size is only matched by its enormous taste. The World's Largest Gummy Bear tastes just as delicious as its pint-sized counterpart.

Available in many flavors: blue raspberry, red cherry, green apple, orange, pineapple and astro (a combination of red cherry, lemon, and green apple). Hand-made in the USA.

Features & specs:

• Dimensions: 9" x 5.5" x 3.5"
• Equivalent of 1400 regular-size gummy bears
• Weighs approximately 5 pounds
• 12,600 calories!
• Hand-made in the USA with domestic ingredients
• Gluten-free
• One year shelf life

Ode To Stupidity!

This Is How We Make Endangered Animals

THIS is why humans need to become extinct or at least endangered. As long as we live, new species will never have a chance to become part of the eco system. But hey, Mother Nature took care of problems like this in the past. She will again.

Dumbass freaks out over strange creature and his answer? Kills it: http://www.yo...utube.com/watch?v=oU3-TioCdDk&feature=related

Instead of admonishing him, scientists all over the world have a collective orgasm ripping it apart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx2xjHEcCjI&feature=related

The cruel murder of this creature - believed to be a sloth - is told as "strange beast terrifies kids" (interestingly enough, they had disturbed it then stoned it to death because it "freaked them out"): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiVqLki49Sc&feature=related

And here is what we do when a strange creature is just asking to be tortured for looking funny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oPxa3C3iu0&NR=1

Wow. A badger: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCdwklO6kgE&feature=related

Let's torture more what we don't understand while it suffocates to death: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1Ks1H5TQk4&feature=related

In Russia, you eat what you don't understand: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2pXXLriyEs&feature=related

Next to be extinct now that the world knows about them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lx7NPYcQ5Qc&feature=related

Whether or not Big Foot/Yeti/Sasquatch and Loch Ness Monster are alive is the least of it. They just better hope like hell they are never captured.

Happy Birthday, Barrack Obama!