That's it! I'm writing an advice column! If this hack can get away with bullshit responses like this for so many years, I can make a killing!
DEAR ABBY: Recently my husband, "Byron," and I had an argument, and he took off in his truck. He didn't return until after work the following day. He had he spent the night at our friend "Arlene's" house. She is divorced and lives alone.
Byron assures me "nothing happened" between them. I want to believe him, but ever since this incident, Arlene will not look me in the eye or speak to me.
I love Byron and trusted him until now. It hurts to think that our marriage may be ruined over a stupid argument. I know he was intoxicated, but why did he choose to go to her home? -- BROKEN-HEARTED IN WYOMING
DEAR BROKEN-HEARTED: He chose to go to her home (even drunk as a skunk) because he knew he would be welcomed. It's also the reason Arlene can't look you in the eye. Marriage counseling for you and Byron may help you put this to rest. If he refuses to go with you, go without him.
P.S. It appears Arlene has an agenda of her own -- and Byron may be one of the items on it. You'd be wise to delete her from your list of friends.
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My response:
Dear Broken-Hearted: He chose to go to her home because he knew he'd get laid and she wouldn't tell because the dirty whore has done this before. She's not looking you in the eye because this is the first time he told you where he was. The only kind of counseling you need is from a divorce attorney and a private investigator. Your marriage wasn't ruined over an argument. Your marriage was ruined when Byron's dick fell into Arlene's vagina. If getting drunk is the only excuse he needs to cheat, then go get drunk and fuck a fire station. See how much he loves you back.
DEAR ABBY: Recently my husband, "Byron," and I had an argument, and he took off in his truck. He didn't return until after work the following day. He had he spent the night at our friend "Arlene's" house. She is divorced and lives alone.
Byron assures me "nothing happened" between them. I want to believe him, but ever since this incident, Arlene will not look me in the eye or speak to me.
I love Byron and trusted him until now. It hurts to think that our marriage may be ruined over a stupid argument. I know he was intoxicated, but why did he choose to go to her home? -- BROKEN-HEARTED IN WYOMING
DEAR BROKEN-HEARTED: He chose to go to her home (even drunk as a skunk) because he knew he would be welcomed. It's also the reason Arlene can't look you in the eye. Marriage counseling for you and Byron may help you put this to rest. If he refuses to go with you, go without him.
P.S. It appears Arlene has an agenda of her own -- and Byron may be one of the items on it. You'd be wise to delete her from your list of friends.
********
My response:
Dear Broken-Hearted: He chose to go to her home because he knew he'd get laid and she wouldn't tell because the dirty whore has done this before. She's not looking you in the eye because this is the first time he told you where he was. The only kind of counseling you need is from a divorce attorney and a private investigator. Your marriage wasn't ruined over an argument. Your marriage was ruined when Byron's dick fell into Arlene's vagina. If getting drunk is the only excuse he needs to cheat, then go get drunk and fuck a fire station. See how much he loves you back.
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