Moron #1: Because fucktards need jobs, too!

(this was originally posted in February of 2006)

Maybe I'm bitter because so many jackasses have jobs and I don't, even with all my talents and skills ( um, no, THAT doesn't require a degree but if I were to get a job for it, well, that would just be illegal and downright trashy! Giving it away is much more dignified :D).

Still, it amazes me how stupid someone can be, and yet get a job that requires about 75% more brain function than they could ever hope to acquire.

I went to have my film developed the other day. I tend to procrastinate with having my film developed, so I usually walk in with between 8 -10 rolls of film at a time [thank God for digital cameras]. I chose this place because I like getting only CD's, and they are the only ones who offer that option in the town where I live. I had used them about a month ago on a rush job, 2 rolls I had to have on CD in an hour. They did fine so I went back.

Cue Moron #1 [there will be more].

This George Lucas look-alike came up to the counter, and I asked him, "How much will it be for just the CD, because that's all I want?"

"$2.87 per roll."

"And that includes one hour?" I asked.

"For just the CD and one hour, yeah."

"Ok, well that's what I want," I tell him.

He hands me the envelopes and I fill them out as I had a couple of weeks before.

I return an hour later and ask him if my CD's are ready.

"Did you drop them off today or were they for next day or what?" he asks.

Well, I don't expect people in his job l to remember every person they speak to, so I answered politely, "Yes, today, an hour ago."

He shuffled slooooooowly to the back drawer, thumbs through all the packages sloooooooowly, then shuffles back slooooooowly. I'm a very patient and considerate person, so this doesn't bother me - though his I-don't-give-a-damn-about-my-job-or-your-pictures attitude is quite clear to me at this point.

He hands them to me and I start to put them in the basket with my other stuff...until my clever little voice of caution says, "Look inside, you dumbass!"

Never wanting to argue with my wise guru of caution...ok, I do quite often, but let's move on... I opened one of the sealed envelopes. What do I find but developed pictures and one CD in each envelope.

Logic scrambles before caution and says, "Holy shit! Look at the price!" Always listening to THAT pushy SOB, I turned each pack over and saw prices ranging from $10 - $15 per pack!

The following is the actual conversation:

"Hey, I only asked for the CD."

"You didn't mark that on the envelope."

"Yes, I did. I only checked the box for 'Film on Cd'."

"But you didn't specify that's all you wanted."

"There are only 3 choices here: 4X6 prints...Film on CD...Reprints. I only checked 'Film on CD'."

"But you were supposed to specify in the instruction box that that's all you wanted."

"Nowhere on here does it say that."

"But it's policy that you get prints unless you specify otherwise."

"Where does it say that?"

"It's just policy."

"But Where...Does...It....Say...That?!"

"You were just supposed to say it on there."

"Well, I told you that's all I wanted."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did." (jackass can't remember me when I walk up, but he can remember the conversation?!)

"You didn't say you only wanted CDs."

"I said to you, 'How much for just CD's because that's all I want'."

"Yeah, but you didn't say all you wanted was just CD's and no prints."

"I said, 'How much for JUST CD's because ....that's ....all...I ... want'!"

"But you didn't say you only wanted CD's and no prints."

I swear to God, that's what he said!

So, I'm looking at him like he is the most pathetic thing allowed to breathe my air, mostly with a stunned and stupified glare, when finally the woman who took my order last time leaned over and said, "Just take out the prints, shred them, adjust the price, and give her her CDs."

"But she didn't say that's all she wanted," he argued.

AAARRRRGGHHHH!!!!

"Just do it!" she said as she, too, looked at him like he was the dumbest creature on Earth!

I should also mention that there was some humor while I waited for Jackass to do as he was told.

There were two Church Of Christ guys having their film developed, too. So, there they were - black pants, crisp white shirt, black ties, brass name pin proudly displaying their religious affiliation, pocket bibles in their pockets, and turning red with anger over what had been done to their photos. Lost, as far as I could tell, and the store wasn't taking the blame.

I feel for them, really, but how humorous is that to see these guys bitching out a clerk after they were just going door to door preaching their heavenly Saviour's words of compassion and forgiveness?

As for jackass, the only good thing about him is the inspiration he gave me for a series on Morons, of which he has the distinct honor of being the first!